What am I getting into?

I am habitually unhabituated. The idea of doing anything everyday, bi-weekly, monthly (you're getting the picture, I'm sure, but still I continue), quarterly, annually, biennially, sesquintennially... it just doesn't happen in my world. I am not now, nor have I ever been a communist... I meant diarist. Is diarist a word? If it isn't, would it matter? Shakespeare made up words all the time, and he did OK for himself; at least in retrospect. Really, I have no idea if the man had to wait tables between "Taming of the Shrew" and "Midsummer Night's Dream." I don't even know why he's so well respected. No, I take that back. I understand why he's respected, I don't understand why he's venerated. The dude was like Joe Eszterhas, or Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer- only he did it at the Globe Theater instead of the AMC Theater 24plex. Imagine, two hundred years from now, college professors dissecting the use of double entendre in Basic Instinct.

Anyway, Shakespeare: populist writer trying to make a good living doing something he was good at. I have no problem with that, but don't try to tell me that he never farted. Shakespeare farted. Ghandi farted. Einstein farted. You know Nelson Mandella let a couple rip at his birthday party the other night. Understand- I don't want anyone to pull my finger, I'm just saying people are people (so why should it be?), and this deification has to stop. The cult of celebrity has become the institutionalized Religion of Celebrity.

"And it was written: when the spawn of Brangelina are ready to come forth into the world, rose petals will fall from Angelina's vajayjay*, and the birth of her twins will bring to fruition the next stage of human evolution."

I bet if Bono endorsed Barack Obama, they (you know, THEM), they would call off the elections. Dubya would be forced to leave office early if Bono AND Brad Pitt endorsed Obama. Then again, Hillary's support was largely middle American, upper-lower class to lower middle class women- the dominant target audience for Oprah, but Oprah backed Obama. How was such a prime opportunity for cross marketing thrown away? And now that I've posed the question, why do you care what the answer is?

My point is, I'm far more fascinated with the woman down the street who is almost finished painting a mural of four generations of women in her family than the family feud between Britbrit and KFed. I find that overcoming our Protestant cultural bias (and those pesky legal issues) against gay & lesbian adoption is more important than whether or not Madonna had permission to adopt Ghana.

OK, that's enough to get me started. I'll paddle my consciousness out of the stream, and head for the shore. I might be back tomorrow, I might not.

I'll stop worrying, and learn to love the blog.


*Who came up with "vajayjay?" Shakespeare would've made up a much better word. Are we really still so sexually inept that we can't say a woman has a hoo-ha, and a man has a thingy?