The Association for the Preservation of Unusual Activities*

This past week, I have felt an underlying, pervasive sense of Donny-ness. I am, to an extent, out of my element. I am good at an awful lot of stuff. Some things useful, some pointless, and some that are entirely beside the point. The one thing that I'm probably best at, is figuring out how to do stuff.

Now I'm faced with a thing that I can't quite wrap my mind around. I've heard (and even witnessed) one person meet a complete stranger, comment to said stranger regarding the stranger's intelligence/wit/attractivocity/inebriation/etcetera, and after a favorable response, say something to the effect of, "Let's ____ (have dinner, see a movie, go for a drink, spin 'round in circles) some time." Then, within a few days (or hours) of this brief conversation, the two people involved actually do whatever mundane activity they have agreed upon. This, to me, is mind boggling.

If I want a to see a movie- I go, unless it happens to be something that someone else I know will particularly enjoy. Why would I want I want to sit in the dark staring at shadows and light with someone, and not know if that person enjoys  those particular patterns of shadows and light? If this is someone I don't know, I don't want to be distracted by menus, previews, or breathtaking views.

I need a certain level of guaranteed, uninterrupted interactivity in a controlled setting. Something out of the ordinary enough that it won't be replicated by or with anyone else, but not so unusual as to be off-putting. Can I possibly be more clinical, intellectual and detached?

Yes, absolutely. However, this carefully crafted facade would shatter into millions of tiny reflective pieces. Each piece would, in turn, be it's own mini-big bang, releasing untold and incalculable amounts of energy into the known universe, turning into the unknown and unknowable universe, enabling children all over the globe to eat massive quantities of Snicker bars without getting a sugar high, and everything that Crispin Glover said would start to make sense.

In all abstract theoretical seriousness, dating- in the traditional sense- is totally lost on me. It isn't lost on me that the activities which I call mundane are those that allow two people to interact at the simplest of levels- the "getting to know you" stage. If two people can't enjoy each other while doing something average, they probably don't have what it takes to last romantically. I get that, but...

I'm going to pull a Palin and get back to you