I Smell A Rant

My friend, "The Old Man," sent me an email today. It was an op-ed piece from the NY Times about some bourgeois twit (Stanley Fish) with two houses complaining about AT&T's poor customer service and lack of staff capable of speaking with proper grammar.

Really?

Really.

Considering the state of the world today, and in a pulpit with a congregation of millions, he wasted time with an "oh poor me" story? He even had the platinum-plated cojones to admit that he would probably offend the logic of a good portion of his readers with his inane-festering-boil-on-the-butt-of-a-grown-man-in-Pampers-crying-because-he-had-to-take-the-silver-spoon-out-of-his-mouth-while-he-flipped-his-legs-over-his-head-to-satisfy-himself (slapdick douche named Stanley Fish) of a blubberfest.

I have friends who have had their hours cut at work from 40 to 16. They don't know how long their savings will cover things like transportation, heat, rent, or food, and this slapdick douche is whining about being on hold because the phone company doesn't have all the services he wants at his second home and all the staff he spoke with didn't have a grasp of syntax that met his standards.

Blow your nose on your sleeve, Stanley Fish Slapdick Douche, because I won't even give you dirt so you can farmer's blow while you cry an ocean of Fiji Water tears, you sorry sad sack of smug.

Sure, I cringe at the redundancy of "Where you at?" The... ellipse... was... designed... to... give... the... reader... a... cue... to... pause... 

The. Period. Was. Not.

"Having" or "getting" are plenty enough on their own; no need to "have got" as well.

I could go on, but I have already reached the point where I understand that language is fluid. I'm sure in the 17th century the educated-and-unemployed class were decrying the death of "thou" in common use, so nothing has really changed except... change. I don't tell people not end their sentences with prepositions anymore. Too many people today don't read books, or know who Descartes was, or understand the point of higher level mathematics for me to judge any one individual.

On the other hand, there is something out there in word land that makes my back itch in the one spot that I can't reach: improper antonyms.

I read an article yesterday about the Israeli offensive (pun intended) that started last week. The author was describing the general ebb and flow of tension throughout the years, claiming that violence would "escalate and then eventually de-escalate."

DE-ESCALATE?!?!? Not descend, ebb, fall, gravitate, lower, return to normal levels, not even chill out, but de-escalate.

I was in the BART station this evening, when an announcement was made about using caution when boarding and off-boarding. Not exiting, disembarking, leaving, getting off the godblessamericadamn train, but off-boarding.

Don't tell me, when a plane is about to take off, they'll start saying "final de-exiting call for flight 1518." Or when someone asks about the weather, the response will be, "it's an ex-dark, moon challenged, uncrappy, not-night!" "You look de-relaxed, why not un-stand yourself on that chair?"

Deity maledictive mass of XY chromosomed bovine excrement.